Total and absolute gaydar failure

I'm flabbergasted. Amazed, my jaw is still on the floor but I can't seem to pick it up.

Admittedly I have not seen this guy in 13 years. And his profession should have rung a bell. I mean, he's two steps away from Perez Hilton.

We were real close buds back in the day, first year in high school. Looking back at it, it may have been a little like a teenage crush, but come on, I was thirteen, looked like hell and even at that early stage the most sexually repressed human being in the southern hemisphere. And I was not in the least interested in him sexually.

Suddenly it was over. He'd found a new friend to hang out with, and he didn't want to have anything to do with me. Again, a bell should have gone off. He turned quite nasty really, and when I first found him on Facebook, I strove to ignore him. No hard feelings or anything, but no reason to be in touch either. A total ex-friend, a friend that was, a former friend.

Then suddenly he wants to be my friend. I approve him, think nothing of it, still not looking for contact. Don't look at his profile either. Just don't care.

Today I discover he's left a message on my wall. Now I am interested.

I check out his profile and there it is: interested in men. Single. Looking for pretty much everything box you can tick.

I'm slightly buzzed, but still sceptical. Until I see the daily hunk in his profile, that is (is that a FB feature?). Read his wall: total queen, fag hags galore.

I did not see this coming. And I was so proud earlier on! I picked up on a classmate the moment I saw him. Cute, but a bit too young-looking. Needs a touch of glam. Still, better keep him away from me.

So it's back to square one. Now I have to think up a little suggestive hint-hint nudge-nudge note for his wall...