Catch You

Come on baby, when will you see
That you and I were meant to be
And now I got my target on track
Baby you should know that I'm so good at that

Run to where you want, run to where you want
I am gonna find you
There aint no distance far enough
My love's gonna find you
Run to where you want, run to where you want
But may I remind you
There aint no engine fast enough
My love's gonna catch you
- Sophie Ellis Bextor, Catch You


These lyrics describe me when I want something quite adequately. There's just no stopping me.

I have been sorting out my feelings about Saturday's activities over the last couple of days. And it's quite simple really: I want this guy, and I want him pronto.

So we've been texting a little. I sense he feels bad or embarrassed about the sex. Well, I don't care, I'm new to this, I have to learn, I'm up to trying again. Sure, I wasn't good, but I never expected to be. But I will never judge someone purely on the basis of a bad lay. I'm trying to reassure him without being a total sop or freak.

Truth is, I'm really into this guy. The way he treated me on the night, the perfect gentleman. The way he wanted to show me how it's done even though he's clearly no top. I like the way he looks, the way he's a normal small-town Southern kid who just happens to be into men. I liked kissing, holding him. I want more of him. I want to meet up and do whatever gay lovers are supposed to do.

We exchanged numbers on his initiative but I sense no urgency on his part to meet up again. Maybe I'm a little forceful, intimidating even. I can be, because there's no stopping me when I want something and I need little time to figure out if I do. But I want him real bad. My bisexuality might have freaked him out a little; he has no experience with women. He just came out of a relationship and might prefer to take it slow. There's quite a big education gap, but he doesn't know my record of blue-collar jobs.

I would have been perfectly fine with a one-night stand and purposely did not take the initiative to exchange numbers. Platonic friends, fine too. But I can't handle a charade.

I want to meet up with him again, preferably this weekend. I want to give him the shag he deserves and probably craves. I think I can handle topping, I'd have to try it out sometime, don't I?

So how do I handle this? I have to learn the rules of the gay game.

By the way, thanx and a shout-out to V.Jay of Paint The Blog Orange who was willing to listen to me whine about this tonight.