The Deep

Just to take this blog out of the gutter, and maybe say something useful for once, some final words on the previous week of gay clubbing.

Would I recommend it? Yes, I would. Will I go again? Sure. I'm a clubber at heart, so the combination of alcohol, house music and sexual tension is fine for me. But I also need to consider the alternatives.

One, the internet. Not for me, I'm afraid. Writing profiles, getting raunchy pictures together and negotiating over the mail with potential tricks. Then, and this would really get me down, meeting up in some public place, which in my town would probably mean a lunch room or a fast food joint (no Starbucks, grrr) followed by an awkward walk to someone's place to do the deed. I'm sure others prefer this option, but I'm just to tense and nervous for it, and there's not even a hint of romance involved.

Two, real life. This requires gaydar, which I hope to develop, or the endless riddle "is he or is he not?" I like the concept of collective gaydar, but I have no-one in real life I can do that with. So I'm out on my own here. Besides, hooking up with colleagues or class mates carries risks. No problem bumping into them in a gay joint, but hooking up at work/uni is not an option.

Three, straight-boy crushes. I'm not one to give up easily, but this is a no-hoper. More than some hopeful fumbling and kissing one drunken night is unlikely to happen. Believe me, I've tried.

So the clubs are my places of choice. Still, they're not for the squeamish.

They are sexually hypercharged places, and you need to be selective. I need to remember that there are people out there much more horny and perverted than I can ever be. Men follow you to the bathroom to try to inspect your goods. You need to be strong and confident. When you enter, chances are you will be on someone's radar instantaneously. I like to get a drink, settle down, dance a bit and then look around to see what's on offer. I reached this stage only once in three visits.

I'm quite good at turning down girls, but I need to find a way that works in this environment without ruining the atmosphere. I also need to have some sort of handbrake I can pull to get no further than some kissing, to which I'm seriously addicted.

The answer is, of course, friends. And that's the main issue I have with the clubs: I haven't been able to have a decent, non-sexual conversation in them. I need to work on this. And the other issue: I'm looking for romance, I'm sure I will find it one day, but here? Sorting out the potential hookups from the potential boyfriends will be another major challenge.

In the mean time, I will be raising the pressure on Crush a little to see where I can go with him. Poor kid, he's probably rebounding and he doesn't know who he's dealing with here. ;-)

The Deep is a track by 20-year old producer and DJ Joris Voorn, who makes tracks like the old Detroit masters used to do. It's uplifting and profound at the same time.