Stupid smiles and autographs, this is a song for fans

Let me be horribly shallow. Let me generalize, let me be lame, stupid even. I apologize in advance for the depths I will sink to in what will follow. In fact, if you dislike simplification you might as well move on. Ok, here goes:

I think you can settle any doubts on pure homosexuality by asking one simple but direct question:

Would you bang Scarlett Johanssen?

If you don't, it's settled, for once and for all. You are a Kinsey six. Scarlett is the true yardstick to liking women: if you don't like this one, it's unlikely you'll like any other. I know of no man who doesn't want her in his bed, even a nominally gay guy I know almost drools over her. Scarlett truly brings out the bisexual in the queer.

Sorted. I'm not a Kinsey six.