Friday, 21 December 2007

Bagging a sraight guy

Procrastinating aimlessly on the internet, I came across this lil gem. ;-)

Now, I'm not really interested in actually getting a straight guy, and once I get my hands on him he wouldn't really be straight, would he?

I guess I'm sort-of professionally interested, but let's call my interest "scientific". Sounds so much better, innit?

Anyway, this guy "Alex Deacon" is using this site to peddle a book, of course, of around $50. No way I'm getting that. But he's also pushing some nice and cheap spam, and with Mr Google's help I'm up for that.

And boy, is he active. The first email was a bit boring, talking about the percentage of married males living on the down low getting some man action anyway (ten, for those who care). More useless statistics accompanied that not so juicy bit of information.

The second email was more interesting. This is a lesson in body language, something that could always be useful. And Roisin keeps on telling me to learn it, so he could I refuse?

Well, the email lists six points that might be worth repeating.

1. Plant Yourself When Standing Still

Put your feet slightly wider apart than is natural,
don't shift your weight. Notice how your feet feel planted.
You can stay like this for long periods of time.
This is how martial artists stand, it is a solid base.

2. Don't Fidget, Fiddle, Or Touch Your Face

What do you normally do with your hands?
Twitching and fidgeting is very unattractive,
look around and see it in other people. It makes you look
nervous. Keep your hands by your sides. Place the thump
on the index and middle fingers,
this removes the natural need for the fingers to
constantly be doing something.

3. Don't Look Down

Keep your head up. If you need to look away, look up,
never look down, it's a sign of weakness and also looks
unattractive. You can observe this in others.
Looking down even has been proven to have a bad
effect on your mental state.

4. Make Slow Head Movements

High status males everywhere, on film, in business,
and in your social circle have certain things in common.
One of which is slow, smooth movements.
Look around slowly and smoothly, don't dart around and jolt
your head around like you have been drinking espressos
all day long.

Think smooth, think James Bond. James Bond has very attractive body language, and smoothness and lack of fidgety movements are the main elements.

5. Walk Slowly And Smoothly

This is more high-status behaviour.
By being smooth and comfortable you give off a sense of
quiet confidence. You stand out from the people rushing around.
In a bar or club, slow it down even more, you will stand out,
in a good way.

6. Hold Your Drink By Your Side

When you have a drink, hold it by your side.
It is a blocking action to hold a drink in front of your chest.

Do these things and you will make a better first impression
and stand out from the other men in a room. If you are ever
internally uncomfortable, you can still appear confident and composed by following the above rules.

And Your Hot To Trot

I think I'm kinda unconsciously aware of all of this anyway, apart from the point about the drink. Mostly I just try to look suave and a little arrogant on the dancefloor, with good results so far. But the message is the same, just translated to a different setting.

Email number three is evidently composed of seriously bad advice. This email consists of the sort of pick up lines that wouldn't be good enough to get David Beckham laid, let alone tempt someone to change teams.

A small sample of this cartload of verbal diarrhoea:

You, me, here...this couldn't be better
if I programmed the holodeck myself.

Remember me from group therapy? I'm the lonely guy.

Anyways, if such cheese does work for you, drop me a mail. Send a pic too, so I can repeat this experiment in a controlled environment using stand-ins of similar hotness.

I'll be watching my spam closely for the time to come, hoping for more nuggets of brilliant insight.

Don't buy the book just yet.


Sooo-this-is-me said...

Would it not be easier (and cheaper than $50) to just go on Craigslist? It always seems to be full of ads from straight married men looking for gay sex on the side. What is up with that anyway!


K said...

I am really bad at #5 and #6...

I am always walking really fast....everyone tells me so but yet it is so unnatural for me to walk slow...LOL!

OMG...and #6....I am horrible at this! I always have my drink right in front of my face...straw on the tip of my chin.

Clearly I have horrible body language.

{didnt Kylie do a song called body language too?}

dan said...

excellent post man. yeah I definitely try the same language at clubs, but day to day, nah.. I probably shoudl try some of this stuff though now that I'm on an army base. ha
this also reminds me of articles I used to read as a kid about "how to be a model or just look like one".....keep up the blogging. later.