OK, this is a tough one for me to write. In fact, I've been avoiding this topic for a number of weeks now. To be honest, I've been tiptoeing around the issue on this blog by filling it up with lame shit and just avoiding the blog altogether.
I'm seeing this guy. To me, he's a serial hook up, a friend with benefits. He knows people, he's fun to be around with, he's taught me a lot but the feeling's just not there. In fact, I went into this planning to just have a one night stand, the result of drinking too much, sleeping too little and not thinking clearly.
He texts all the time, throughout the night after getting home for work. It's sweet, but a little suffocating. People think we are having a relationship. They are referring to me as his boyfriend. I'm not, and neither do I want to be.
Apart from the lack of feelings, there are other issues. There's quite an education gap, which is starting to become a little annoying. I guess it's one of the things you only notice after spending prolonged time together, those little nuisances that gradually start to grind. I don't like his job either, I'm ashamed to admit.
He's a little older too. It doesn't show, he looks like he's in his late twenties and he's got a great body for his age. It's what I try to focus on and use to rationalise this thing. However, he's still nine years older than me and I don't want to be a boy toy. Worse, I worry what friends and family will think of this: I don't expect anyone to approve and I can't blame them.
You might say, who cares about their approval? Well, I admit I'm superficial enough to do. One of my requirements in a boyfriend is someone who will amaze people, at least in the looks department, but there has to be some great personality too. Regardless to say, that person's far off the radar, but I'm not willing to compromise quite yet, if ever.
So I am planning to move this into the friendship zone. It's only fair to everyone really, because carrying on this charade is a form of betrayal. It's where I want to be; he's a great person to hang out with, he's good in bed but he just doesn't turn me on. I want to be able to have a beer with him regularly, to take shots or do whatever socially. I just don't want to have a relationship or something that resembles it with him.
Yes, it's quite simple: all I really want is a hot young stud. I would care less about education, personality and friends and family in that case because of his appearance. So I guess, if you want something that badly, you have to go out and get it...