Wednesday, 22 August 2007

Til the day they die

A nice case of long-term (attempted?) murder is getting lots of attention in the media, it's freaking me out too and it fucks up my coming-out agenda.

Let me elaborate. A couple of weeks ago, two men were arrested for having gay sex parties, drugging their victims with GHB and then injecting them with HIV+ blood. Evil, stinking fuck wads. Fourteen men were infected, their lives totally screwed up, their ambitions pretty much destroyed. Today was the first day of the trial.

It was enough to get the whole thing back in the media again. It was nothing but a short, routine sitting to determine if early release was applicable (it wasn't) and to set the date for the main trial (January). That's just great, this thing will drag on for months.

To boot, gay rights association COC has called on the victims to speak out in public. How callous can one be? They could be a bit more sensitive to privacy and the tragedy of it all. So far, none of the victims want to make themselves public.

So, to be totally self-centred and obsessive, I must admit that this thing has really affected me. It has been in the back of my mind for weeks. Even though you might not be part of their scene (bondage, bareback etc), it's apparently one of the risks of going home with strangers.

So now I'm planning to come out and I have to deal with this shit too. It's what everyone will be thinking about. My mum won't be able to sleep for a year if I tell her with this trial and the on-going media attention. And she's been through enough lately. Thank God it all happened in the far north, not in my college town. But still, safety is probably going to be the overwhelming issue. It's no longer just about using a condom and avoiding beatings, but also not getting drugged and raped with all the nasty possible consequences (and there was a GHB date-rape craze in my town a few months ago). That shit is sure to scare relatives.

So, I live in a nasty neighbourhood, I get picked up by men in bars and, knowing parents, my mum will assume I might get injected with HIV+ blood every time I go out. That's just great. The only way of preventing too much anxiety I can think of is to present a stable relationship during my coming out. Or to lie, but I'm not going to do that.

I now realise I have been focusing too much on the acceptance issue. I never worried much about that. This is the real tough nut I will have to crack. It's a bit of a setback, really.

And what about those two psychos? I say two words: Guantanamo Bay. ;-)

6 comments:

Matt-CNS said...

Oh my god, that is absolutely disgusting. How can one, let alone two people, do something so horrible. I am just in shock.

GB said...

Terrible story, but essentially no different to other mindless acts of violence. Terrorism for example, or the stories we hear about young guys rampaging through their schools with guns killing everyone they meet.

Of course, there are lots of ways of dying in everyday life too, for example road traffic accients. Life is full of risks, but sensible people can minimise those risks by good judgement. And I'm sure you're just a guy :-).

Good luck, GB xx

J.R. said...

That people can do things like that still amazes me.

And yeah, overcoming people's fear on our behalf is definitely a huge challenge in coming out and stories like this don't make things easier. If only people didn't assume being gay automatically means you're into that "scene."

Nothing Golden Stays

Steve said...

Ugh, I felt sick after I read the second paragraph. It's more horrific than the senseless violence GB talked about because it doesn't kill you at the time of the incident...it haunts you for the rest of your life. Frightening.

As far as it effecting your coming out, I agree that with the trial as your backdrop your family will be more apt to label you as being in danger. But that's probably going to happen in any case...from my personal experience coming out to my mother, she immediately started talking about safety and HIV, and about how worried she was for me. Apparently to parents, children who are anywhere near gay are in far greater danger than straights, and that goes for anything from sex to random homophobic violence.

Sounds like you're not into that scene, as you said, and I would doubt that the younger guys you are probably interested in are this twisted...but I guess you never do know. Stay safe!

jeremy said...

shit! that's some very horrible stuff. It is such a cruel thing to do. Being a health student- HIV is the last thing you wanna get!

K said...

I don't think that I have heard something so horrible in a very very long time. God.....what the fuck is wrong with people? Situations like this one always frighten me. You just know that it is gonna be just that much harder to come out because on top of everything else, you are going have hve to assure your parents or loved ones that you will be safe..... sigh.