Him: [Taps me on shoulder] That's a woman! Wo-man! [Makes international tits sign]
Me: Thank God. Not a drag queen.
Fem 1: Darling, he's much too effeminate for me! [Moves right arm along with exclamation, limp wrist included]
Me: [Struggling not to laugh] He's just a little emo. Nice eyes, too.
Him: [about Fem 1]: He's only just out, you know.
Me: It must have been a paper closet.
Fem 2: [featuring 28 inch waist] I don't have a relationship! I'm only 20, 22 is much too old for me. [shakes butt]
Me: I wish I could say that.
Him: His boyfriend's a little older than that.
Fem 2: I'm going back to [insert name of gay bar frequented almost exclusively by old men].
Fem 2: [to Him] I would go for you but your almost-boyfriend's here.
[turns to me] What kind of relationship do you two have?
Me: [shocked] Hell, I don't know.
Hot young bartender: Stop kissing so sensually, you're turning me on!
Me: [sly smile]